Thursday, June 23, 2011

Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda....

I couldn't find my feet to walk through the door after so much time had gone by, how do you explain that life got in the way....?
Sometimes I wonder if I should even put my failures on my blog, is it going to keep people from contacting me, is it really meant for me to share even the things I feel in my heart now I shoulda done differently. After all, it's out there for everyone to read, to judge, forever! However, If I'm going to continue to grow with my photography successes, I should be completely honest even about (what I consider as) my failures. After all, learning includes making mistakes, even in the business aspect of it all.
So, here's the splainin'....Earlier in the year, I got an email regarding taking photographs at a gym, not just any gym, a gym without treadmills, stair climbers, bicycles or any machines, just using weights & your body. Totally new to me as a person, little lone as a photographer. I had already envisioned images I would love to capture at a gym & a place without machines wasn't in that corner of my idea, but if it helps me grow, I'm up for it. I responded, met the owners at the location & discussed what we all wanted to accomplish with the images. Then life literally got in the way & time went by so quickly, not to mention, winter seemed to drag on forever. A few months later (I know, I know), I sent them an email & it went without a response, I felt a like a flake. I had let too much time go by without any communication but what would I have said & I couldn't find my feet to walk through their doors & explain. There was no job issued, nothing really scheduled, no contract of any kind, just me casually taking photos on nicer days so we could fine tune the details later. Don't get me wrong, if there had been a formal session scheduled of any kind, I would NOT have been MIA, I would have done what needed to be done. But how do you explain something without sounding like you're making excuses because in all reality, you are. Besides, what was happening wasn't something I felt comfortable telling anybody especially strangers & I don't like sounding all whiny in the first place. So much had hit all at once with little time to focus on myself, even when I tried. I think that's what makes me regret what I didn't do the most & I've really had a hard time letting this go, to chalk it up to a lesson learned & just move on.
Well because I am who I am, I called them today, maybe it was stupid, I don't know. I honestly couldn't take a possible face to face rejection, I had no idea what the outcome would be & still don't but that wasn't why I called them. It wasn't about getting the job back, it was about saying sorry. I will say this though, I feel a whole lot better. Getting that finalized no matter the outcome felt like the right thing to do. It had nothing to do with them, it had everything to do with what life was dishing out.
What did I learn business wise? To just show up next time, look the part, even if I had to hitch hike (yes my car having tyranny problems was only 1 of my reasons). Maybe I thought of this job as more of a casual learning experience, doing something new, when in fact, I should have treated it just like a wedding. Every job is equally valuable to me & I'm really blessed for each one I get, even the one's that take me out of my comfort zone. So there, it's out there for the world to read & I'm ok with that, I think, lol. The photo above in Hawaii is not one of my reasons, it just puts me in my happy place. Maybe now I can move on.....& I will, closure is good for the soul.

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