Thursday, September 8, 2011

In memory of my boy Shane

People get dogs for many different reasons & I got Shane when I was going through a depression in January 2004, I really thought a dog was going to make me happy again & he did in many ways. He was born November 22, 2003 & the best German Shepherd I have ever known. Marissa & I also shared his birthday (as in the 22nd part & that made it even more special for us). He loved all kids (especially my kids), no kidding, totally loved them & when I separated from my kids father, my daughter Marissa took on the mom role with him (I left both shepherds with my ex, so they didn't have to be separated) & they were inseparable. We always called Marissa "sissy" to Shane. He knew who that was & when I would pick the kids up to come to my place, he would literally mope knowing Marissa was leaving for the night. Each time I pulled in, he would let me know he wasn't happy with me taking her & I would always tease him about being a puppy & pouting.
Long story short, I went to drop Marissa off last night at her dads, after back to school night & Matt told me Shane was sick. I had been suffering from a bad headache that day & didn't want to be out any later than I already was, it was getting dark & I worry about not seeing deer on the road so I left. I left, did you hear me, I left. I didn't go see how he was, I didn't even just pet him & tell him I loved him. I didn't expect him to not make it through the night & now.....OMG now, I can't handle all the pain I'm going through. You can't go back & that's what I have to get over. He knew I loved him, we seen each other almost everyday but I know in my heart, I didn't spend as much time with him as I wanted to in the last couple of years but again, you never think something will happen to them when they're not that old. More than anything, I feel for my daughter & Cleo (my female shepherd). We got Cleo when she was 8 weeks old & Shane is all she's known, she's absolutely lost. They were always together, you didn't have to call her to come, just call Shane & she was always with him. I used to joke, that she probably thought her name was Shane as well. See how she has her paw on his, that was not set there, that's just who they were. They loved to go bye-bye in the back of the truck & Shane could hear you say treat from a mile away. The photo below is them watching dad, waiting for them to tell them to load up.
I'm gonna miss the heck outta Shane & I have a lot to get over with his death, a lot of feeling guilty. Cleo hardly ever "talks" as we call it & Shane wasn't able to keep quiet, he did all the talking for both of them, it won't be the same pulling into the driveway to get the kids. Not hearing him, seeing him, it just won't be the same. I will never be the same & it saddens me tremendously that I only have one old family photo with him, I'm sure glad Marissa has this one.
I love you Shane, I always have & always will love you, I will NEVER forget you. You were the best boy I could ever have, I will see you again & we'll get to go bye-bye all you want. I'm so sorry I didn't stop to give you pettins & say I LOVE YOU!!! But I do, I really do. Please God, give him a big hug from me & his sissy.

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